Web Vintage Literature

Chapter 13. The You Element

You would probably leap up in burning wrath if, tomorrow, you could see your sales letters kindling a hundred morning fires. At least you would want to know why your sales letters interest only the man who empties the wastebasket. You might bring your correspondents to the carpet, you might quiz and you might threaten, but it is a ten-to-one shot that they couldn't answer when you were all through.

If you are to solve the most perplexing and yet obvious fault of your sales letters, you must sit down and pick apart your paper salesmen. As you analyze your correspondence you will be impressed with one fact that there is too much we in the beginning of the sales missive. If you push your investigation into the body of your letters, underscoring each we as you come to it, you will find that the writer has literally peppered his story with the objectionable word. There is the answer to your question.

From beginning to end, the average letter consists of, We have so and so to offer; We contemplate this, and We intend to do that. But what do I care about what We do? How are my interests affected by a statement regarding ours? The closest thing to you is you. The never-ending source of attraction and concern to me, is me.

And thus the correspondent kills a hearing because he begins talking about himself instead of you. For example, a clothier writes me a letter: We are showing the most attractive line of spring and summer woolens in the city. The cut of every garment is the latest and up-to-the-minute in style.

Now that kind of a letter hasn't told me what I wanted to know. The fact that they are showing the woolens doesn't particularly interest me. They may have the most attractive line in the city. What I care about is, what is in this for me? How will it affect my bankroll?

But if they had written: Mr. Smith, you spend $1 5 more for a suit of clothes than you should. How can we prove it? By making you just as stylish and as wearable a suit for $35 as you have been paying $50 for. You will look better and feel better in the clothes, and at the same time you will be saving money.

If they had said this ah! That would have been a different matter. For here is a letter that gets as close to me as my own desk, that touches my pocketbook, my business heart.

Again, a manufacturer writes me today: We have perfected and are now prepared to supply our new, patent-lined, double-rimmed, rust -proof, excelsior gas burner the peer of them all. When I receive that letter how does it affect my cost of production? I hold no stock in the gas burner industry. He might as well announce the discovery of a new mud puddle on South Main Street so far as my interests are concerned.

But suppose he had said: See here, Mr. Gas Burner, you spend $2.50 a month more for gaslight than you should, and yet in spite of this waste you are not getting the brilliant illumination you are paying for. I can cut your gas bills in two, give you better, clearer, brighter light, and save you $2.50 a month. And the whole outlay to you will be simply the price of our new gas burners.

Suppose the writer had said that? It would have been somewhat different and I would have probably hurried to the mailbox with a money order. Forget yourself and talk about the other mans profits, needs, desires. Look at your proposition from his point of view and he will readily see it from yours.

Don't begin your letter and every other sentence with We. You may be the ruling power in your own world, but your reader doesn't know it. To himself he is the king of his own little kingdom. He has so many things to think about, he isn't interested in what you are doing. And yet he is the man you must get close to if you expect to get any of his money. He is interested only when he is sure of getting some money himself. I at once became alive to the proposition when I received this letter:

Mr. Retailer:

Why is it that you the retailer are compelled to lose more good hard cash through bad debts than any other man in business?

Every month you have to charge up to bad debts, scores of good fat accounts that deadbeats refuse to pay. Mrs. Jones puts you of; Mrs. Smith tells you to wait; and so it goes season after season. You could almost start a new store with the money lost by local retailers through bad debts.

Now suppose we could tell you how to stop this; suppose we could tell you of a simple collection scheme used by one retailer down in Illinois that enabled him to make thirty of his hardest and slowest customers pay up penny for penny the hundreds of dollars they owed him. Wouldn't you jump at the chance to get it?

Now, then, in the book described by the circular enclosed, you can get this very collection system; the simplest, most successful collection system ever devised a system that does not require the assistance of an expensive collector; a system that you alone can operate, and the only expense is the cost of two or three tow-cent stamps.

That is the kind of a letter that jars money from my cash drawer. The guns of attractive argument and effective salesmanship are leveled directly at me. I must either get out of the way or stand and take the shot. I buy because you and your collections has been the attitude of the letter. If this concern has pointed their letter shot somewhere up in the air of foreign interests, there would have been no reason why I should budge and inch, and I wouldn't.

I am not interested in your proposition until you have shown some interest in my affairs. And you can never make me believe that you are really interested in me by everlastingly harping on we. A tire manufacturer answers my inquiry with this:

We have your favor of the fourteenth stating that you are interested in our advertisement on Wonder Tires. We are enclosing our Wonder booklet which illustrates and describes our Wonder tread. We would be very glad to give you any further information and our best price. Trusting that you will insist on Wonder Tires, we are, yours very truly.

Now I was interested in the advertisement, but is there one single reason in the we spotted letter why I should continue to be interested, why I should insist on having Wonder Tires? What I wanted from that manufacturer was tire talk that applied to me. His interest in the deal was obvious. It was mine that was essential to a sale. And that letter killed what little I had.

Contrast it with this from a manufacturer who would sell me an engine: You know what a nuisance it is to set out to equip a boat and find that you haven't got this and you haven't got that. Before you finish, it has cost a quarter or a third more than you figured on.

Customers have often asked us: What does your equipment include? Why don't you make it complete? That s just what were going to do from now on we are going to put in everything. And what s more were going to pay the freight.

That man is talking to me. He knows my boat troubles. He's talking to me in my own boat house, and I read on through his description and sales argument with an interest approaching fascination, because I feel from the first word that the writer of that letter understands my needs.

To be a successful writer you must talk about your customer and his affairs. See that you get the word you in the opening sentence of your next letter. For example: You can make a larger profit if you sell Duf's Molasses, than if you don't. Your customers want Duf's Molasses and they are going to get it somewhere. You can make big profits by getting in line early, and so on.

The grocer is interested in this proposition because it offers to put money in his cash drawer. There is no more interesting proposition to him that that. When he reads this letter he must decide whether he will order and make good profits, or stand idly by while the other fellow gathers in the benefits.

And now when you have just about determined to inject some of the you element into your letters, cultivate the ability to get over on the buyers side and look at your proposition through his eyes. A good salesman never mentions the selling end of his game, he emphasizes the buying point.

You may think it selfish, but I repeat that the nearest subject to me is me. The ace-high theme with you is you. It is a human trait as infallible as a physical law.

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Dear Sir:

Formal our stock Accept our thanks for your favor just received. We are glad of this opportunity to forward you a catalogue showing the styles which we carry in our Stock Room ready for immediate use .

Our styles Of course it is impossible to show all the styles which we make. The illustrations shown, simply represent some of the seasons best sellers as selected by the leading retailers from our two hundred and fifty styles designed by our selling force.

Our oxfords Our shoes are correct in every sense of the word. oxfords possess superior fitting qualities. They do not gap at the ankle; they fit close and do not slip at the heel; they are the coolest shoe for summer. We have them in Green, Red, Tan, Black and Patent.

Our guarantee Our Guarantee is something that is of vital importance to you if you care to be assured of full value for your money spent.

Our catalogue We can make for any style required if you fail to find illustrated in our catalogue just the shoe you desire at the present time. We will forward the shoes prepaid upon receipt of your order with price and will strive to serve you in a most satisfactory manner.

Yours very truly,

Nothing robs a letter of directness so much as a lock of the you element. Here is an actual letter which illustrates particularly well an absence of direct appeal because of this fault.

This man tries to sell a pair of shoes, not by talking about the prospect and his needs, but about himself and his product. Note the prevalence of our and we in every paragraph. Half the words are mere machinery of this antique variety, through which we accept, are glad, make, strive, and so on. The real meat the specific words that catch the eye could be compressed into two short paragraphs.

Then note how the same proposition is handled in the rewritten letter. The dealer comes over to the customers side, just as a clever salesman would, and turns in to help him get a fit. That's right, he says, a poor fit is a real calamity. What you want is this and this and this and right here is a stock of shoes among which you'll find those very things.

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Dear Mr. Sheldon:

Your shoe troubles What is more uncomfortable and aggravating than an ill-fitting shoe?

Your wants Make up your mind that for once in your life you will have a shoe that satisfies you to the smallest detail a shoe that does not slip at the heel nor pinch at the toe, a show that will not wrinkle or run over at the side. Make up your mind that this time you will have a shoe that follows perfectly the lines of your foot, that from the very day you first put it on, feels cool and comfortable, and that will retain its trim and stylish appearance under the test of wear.

Your comfort assumed Dickson shoes combine the three features that you have been looking for so long style, comfort and wearing quality. They observe so closely the little points that give ease and comfort, that no matter how particular you may be, there is a shoe somewhere in our stock that is literally built for your foot. And you will be surprised to find how long it will last. For Dickson shoes, whether of patent, gun metal or tan, are made of the very best stock that leather science can produce.

Your: wants supplied The catalogue you requested is going to you today under separate cover. I want particularly to call your attention to the new East Last style on page 37. This may be just what you were looking for. But it is only one of the 54 attractive styles you will find illustrated.

Your choice Select the style and finish that you like best, then simply fill in on the order blank the number, size and width you want, and mail to us today. If there are any little peculiarities about your foot, tell us about them. With this information to guide us we will send you, all charges prepaid the very day that your order is received, a pair of shoes that will fit you perfectly.

Your opportunity grasped Do not miss this opportunity to obtain real, genuine shoe comfort. Send your order at once today.

Yours very truly,

So the entire letter shows an understanding of your shoe troubles and your needs, and offers the shoe it exploits as an article that will bring you satisfaction.

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Personal Good Will THE machine-finished sale is passing. Buyers prefer to deal man to man.

The Successful dealer of the future must approach his sales, hit letter writing problems, from the customers side.

It is not enough to collect today's profits, for your competitor is collecting tomorrows good will.